Kirstin - my dearest niece...

When something lousy happened to me, my dad always said:"What's the worst thing that could happen - you could die - you're alive so let's take it from there!"... That has always put things into perspective for me and I often draw comfort from this, but I now believe that the worst thing that can happen is losing someone close to you.

On the 5 July my 18 year old niece was tragically killed in a car accident. I have a void in my life that will never be filled. Somehow life seems to be so empty. Until now, I had never lost someone truly close, but almost three weeks later, I still feel a sadness so deep I cannot put it into words. I watched her grow from a newborn baby into a beautiful articulate (stubborn ;-) ) woman..

Suddenly, my job, gadgets and worldly crap seem even more insignificant, and God, my wife and family so vitally important. I am not an overly holier than though person and can't stand overpowering "holier than thou" people, but if I didn't believe in God, I would have jumped over my balcony by now.. I cannot begin to think how people who do not believe in God survive things like this - it must be unbearable.

Kirsty's funeral was on the 11 July and I never experienced such a moving experience in my life - somehow so healing, a view shared by so many other people I spoke to. The support of Kirstin's friends and people who knew her has been overwhelming and of great comfort to all of us. They created two groups for her on Facebook within hours of her passing and her funeral was testament to her short but amazing life. I have always been cynical of Facebook, but this was one time I craved it; just reading the comments left by her friends and people who knew her gave me such a sense of comfort. I have learnt about aspects of her life I had little or no knowledge of; her passion for photography, the intimate deep friendships she had and her ability to write so well.

I think everyone believes there child/grandchild/niece/nephew to be the brightest around, but from a the age of five she was reading time magazine and anything else she could get her hands on. She had a gift of hunger for knowledge second to none and questioned everything. As my brother said - she searched for truth, brutal as it may be.. Complacency or indifference had no place in her life.

I still cannot get the image of her fine limp body lying on the ground out of my mind. The feeling of utter helplessness to protect and comfort her.. I would have and would still trade anything including my life for hers. It's just not right.

If touching people's lives and leaving a legacy is what life is about then she has done her duty.

I will never forget you Kirst, I loved you then and I love you even more now. I will do my best to live a good and full life, but I cannot wait until my life is done here, so that I can see you again.

Back for good?... not quite..

We've been back in South Africa for just on two months and have come to the realisation that something’s aren't going to change here in SA. To be honest they're just getting worse.

The blatant arrogance of the ANC government including the disbanding of the scorpions (independent crime fighting unit), as well as a 50% increase in emigration in the last six months says it's time to leave for good.. The hijackings, literally down the road from us, murders and senseless violence... if you can't see the writing on the wall, you'd have to be blind, deaf and dumb...and I'm deaf (some would say dumb too ;-) ).. My feeling is of utter hopelessness, but how do you curb the endless cycle of poverty with a bunch of arrogant, self-serving, corrupt morons in control..

We are in some ways shattered - we have always dreamed of building our home and our life here in South Africa, but our family's safety is of utmost importance. We have applied for a skilled visa for Australia and failing that, will return to the UK.. As much as the UK's weather and attitude of the youth bug us, it's not the worst place to be, and the quality of life is good along with the opportunity to travel!

It is quite ironic - in my previous blog, I expressed my concerns with the fact the twelve year olds could get the pill in the UK, without any parental consent.. They just passed the same law here - need I say more.

All I want to do is put down roots and settle somewhere - I have a taproot hanging out of my backside, but even with that I still think this needs to be done.. We have my brother and his wife, her brother and wife and my folks on board with the move.. Even my father-in-law and my sister are also considering the move.. I just want to make sure we get the family out as soon as possible and (African) nature can take it's course here, just like it has in Zim.. The people I feel most for are the poor - they have no options..

Anyway, let me end on that happy note..